


The new commandments

by MellyCrazyCoconut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Jack being Jack, just some silly stuf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellyCrazyCoconut/pseuds/MellyCrazyCoconut
Summary: Jack decides to get a little hands on anyway. Total crack. New god, new rules bitches!(ps. not a good writer, I know...)
Kudos: 11





	The new commandments

Jack’s sitting on his throne in Heaven. Listening to prayers, not interfering, the family business. Easier said than done... For all humanity has achieved and for all those amazing, intelligent, kind people... there sure are a lot of dumbasses around! 

Hands on it is then! 

“Naomi!” 

The former leader of Heaven appears before him. 

“yes, Jack.” 

J: “I’d like to rewrite the ten commandments, these idiots need an update” 

N: “O-kay...but...uhm” 

J: “you’ll write them down and distribute them afterwards right? Right! Let’s go!” 

N:” Sure... whatever you say boss... So, the first one is Thou shalt have no other gods before me, nothing wrong with that right?” 

J: “But what about the other gods? Sam’s told me all about them. They’re not all bad... Did you know there’s one named Bacchus, who’s all about drinking wine and partying naked in the woods? I understand how people might like him more than me... and I don’t mind really.” 

N: “How about: Thou shalt worship the deity befitting your own lifestyle” 

J: “Perfect! What's next?” 

N: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image” 

J: “So no effigies or paintings? Stuff like that? Scratch that one, no one listen to that one anyway... No wait, Thou shalt not idolize crosses as they are a reminder of death. Let’s lose the creep-factor" 

N: “Good choice, my Lord” 

J: “Nono, just Jack. Actually, that brings me to my next point: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain. Let’s change that to Thou shalt be blessed with instant relief when saying “Jackdamnit!”. I like it, makes me think about Dean.” 

Naomi: “Wow Jack, you’re on a roll! The next one is Remember the Sabbath day” 

J: “Hmmm this one’s tricky, some say it’s Saturday, some say it’s Sunday... but I’ve noticed people are generally most excited about Friday night. Ok, I got it: Friday night shall be a holy night, celebrated with movies, games and greasy food” 

N: “Brilliant...” 

J: “I concur. Let's see...Honor thy father and mother. Yeah no... Speaking as the biological son of Lucifer, raised by 3 fathers I call bullshit on this one. Honor the parental figures in your life. Fixed it.” 

N: “Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not commit adultery and Thou shalt not steal don’t need changing right?” 

J: “Difficult... “Thou shalt only kill monsters and mosquitos, Thou shalt break up before fucking around and Thou shalt only steal from the rich. What do you think Nomes?” 

N: “Isn’t it getting a bit informal?” 

J: “Meh... let’s leave Thou shalt not lie out. Sometimes lying is a kindness.” 

N: “True... Thou shalt not covet, what do you think?” 

J: “ Coveting others stuff makes the economy thrive. And when someone covets your romantic partner it’s actually quite the compliment don’t you think? Covit away, but thou shalt be cool about it.” 

N: “Truly Shakespearian Jack...” 

J: “ So that’s 9 commandments. 10 would be more symmetrically pleasing no? How about this: Love is love bitches!” 

N: “Fantastic! Best god ever! I’ll get tweeting” 

J: “Sweet” 

Jack snaps his fingers and is seen chilling in a hammock eating nougat.


End file.
